Thursday, April 25, 2024
To answer before listening – that is folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13
If an award could be given for being characteristically private, I think I would win first place. I am a very private person. I don’t tell share my deepest thoughts or feelings very easily. My inner circle of friends is small.
In light of that reality, I recently did something out of character for me. I actually shared with someone how an event had impacted me emotionally. The person’s response was very disheartening. He not only failed to acknowledge what I had just said, but proceeded to take what I had shared as a means of turning the conversation around to focus on what was going on in his life. The conversation didn’t last long, but it made quite an impact on me. As the day went on, I felt increasingly put off and off ended. And then I started wondering how many times I have failed to truly listen to someone or turned a conversation around to focus on me. I literally shuttered at the thought.
A few days later, another conversation occurred. I hesitantly stepped out into uncharted territory by sharing the same story with someone else. This person had a simple yet profound response. He said, “Let’s stay in touch for each other. You know I love you.” It was a very brief, straightforward reply. But I found it to be incredibly affirming. I walked away knowing that I had been heard. I felt a sense of mutuality in friendship. This second conversation didn’t last long either, but it too made quite an impact on me.
I have been thinking a lot about presence lately. I am putting my phone in my pocket a lot more. I am trying to practice active listening skills better than ever before. I am trying to catch myself before I turn a conversation and make it all about me. And I am realizing that even very brief conversations can make quite an impact on a person’s heart, either for the positive or the negative.
